How to Move to Maui: The Horrors of the DMV

The DMV sucks. Even in Maui. Like any government-run organization it just can't do things quickly, easily, efficiently, or without the hair-pulling frustration of the latest nonsensical Common Core Standards.

Seriously, what's the greatest innovation at the DMV in the last 40 years? A bench? A “Take a number” system? Great, the DMV has finally narrowed the gap with my local super market.

All kidding aside (I know I started the above paragraph with "Seriously..." but, seriously, I'm just kidding around.)

Anyway, when you move to Hawaii there are a few interesting things to keep in mind when it comes to transferring your driver's license, registering your car, and buying insurance.

To help you avoid the clunky process we went through, here are the steps of how things should be done.

STEP 1: What NOT to do

If you sell your vehicle with the intention of buying a new one in Hawaii, don't be so quick to cancel your insurance. When you apply for new auto insurance there are discounts offered for being "previously insured." Have your old policy number handy when you're talking to an insurance rep.

STEP 2: Earning your driver's license... again

Fortunately the DMV in Maui isn't as scary as it is everywhere else in the universe. However it is a little strange. To get your Hawaii driver's license you'll need to take a 25 question multiple-choice written test, an eye test, get your photo taken, and your thumb and index finger printed. You'll need two forms of ID (i.e. old driver's license, passport, birth certificate) and two pieces of mail confirming your place of residence in Hawaii. It's cost you about $15.

STEP 3: Passing the safety inspection

All cars in Hawaii two years old or older have to undergo a pretty strict environmental safety inspection. You will need to have proof of insurance, the vehicle's current registration (even if it's in the previous owners' name), and the title with you when you go to have this done.

STEP 4: Back to the DMV. Oh yay.

Actually, like I just said in Step 2, they've got that "Aloha spirit" at the Hawaii DMV, so it's not that bad, even if the wait time is three hours. To register your car you will need a) proof of insurance, b) safety inspection certificate, c) title, d) screwdriver for applying/removing new/old plates, e) patience, f) approximately $16.

All of these steps in this order work as a kind of combination lock. Once completed you will be welcomed into the bosom of mother Maui with a flowery lei and a luau. Ok, not really, but it'll feel like this...

Aloha, You Dumb Tourist - The Drawbacks of Paradise

Danielle diving next to a sea turtle in Napili Bay, Maui.

There is no such thing as a perfect paradise on Earth, but Maui comes pretty darn close. Warm ocean waters teeming with beautiful sea life. Breathtaking views from all over the island. Food so good you'll think you're dreaming. And enough zip-lining, boat-riding, parasailing, surfing, swimming, hiking, and sun-tanning to occupy adventurists of any age.

Ultimately—as our chill surf instructor would say—"It's all cool, bro."

Still, this paradise isn't without its drawbacks, and after ten days of writing and photographing and videotaping and tweeting and Facebooking and everything-else-ing the most delicious aspects of this tropical heaven, we thought it might be prudent to warn you about some of the drawbacks. So if you're thinking of visiting Maui, here are some of the things that tripped us up during our vacation (not that Maui isn't still one of the most awesomest places on earth!)

Bad Directions

For some reason the locals don't know how to give directions, so if you get directions, make sure they are very, very specific. Because sometimes "hang right and it's on your left" really means "turn right, drive two miles, you'll see a really complicated intersection with lots of touristy stuff, but if you turn left down the really narrow one way road that you can't really see because of the palm trees and keep your eyes looking to the left you'll eventually see a really small building with a tiny pink sign that says Hala-ooh-I-Can't-Pronounce-This-Word in minuscule print."

Other times it's as simple as, "See that sign that says, 'Do not enter'? Enter there." (No, seriously, someone said that to us, but, hey, it got us where we wanted to go.)

Beware the Tip Jar

Maui is all about tourism, which means most of the locals work in the service industry and thrive off tips. This gets especially irritating when you book a tour as part of a "package deal," like we did with our sunrise/bicycle/zip line tour. We had no less than five different people to tip—the bus driver who picked us up, the sunrise tour guide, the bicycle tour guide, the zip line guys, and the driver who took us back. We didn't have enough cash to tip everyone, but if we had that would've easily been $80 in tips to three different companies for one excursion.

Timeshare Discounts

Danielle and I wanted to go on a whale-watching tour, so we went to Boss Frog's, one of Maui's top tourism meccas for anything and everything you want to do. A Super cool dude named Mark said he had a great deal for us—a $140 dinner cruise on which we would see whales for $12 if we agreed to sit through a timeshare presentation for 90 minutes. Ninety minutes. That's nine, zero. Super Cool Mark told us if they didn't hold to that to let him know. Dinner, a boat ride, whales, all for $12? I can suffer a 90-minute blowhard, sure.

But the dinner cruise was a disappointment. It wasn't technically a "whale watching tour," so the captain wasn't obligated to go hunt down whales. We saw some way out on the horizon, but not as up close as the official whale-watching boats. The food was mediocre, the drinks were disappointing, and don't even get me started on the timeshare people who did not stick to their 90-minute promise—two hours and ten minutes later, we weren't happy.

Back to Super Cool Mark. When we told him about our disappointing experience he did us a solid and sent us on a whale-watching tour at 50 percent off the listed price. Thanks, dude!

Not All Beaches Are Created Equal

If you go to Maui, rent a car. There shouldn't be any ifs, ands, or buts about it. Your own transportation is a must. Taxis are expensive. Buses are scattered. And you might have a hotel with a very rocky beach when there is a silky, sandy beach just two miles down the road. Fortunately a car came with our vacation package, and we used it every day.

Read the Fine Print

Like I wrote in Friday's blog, Cost-Saving Vacation Tips, having the best hotel wasn't a priority for us. We like to do stuff. The hotel was just a place to crash. Still, I knew my beach-loving wife would love a hotel room on the beach, so when I booked the hotel I was sure to note that I had chosen a room with an "oceanfront view." The room we got, however, did not have an oceanfront view. The hotel was an oceanfront hotel WITH oceanfront views, but not every room had such a view.

I doubt it was the intention of the hotel owners to be misleading in this way. It was likely Expedia's fault for not communicating to the hotel that we had selected an oceanfront room. When I showed the lady at the hotel's front desk my receipt for the room and that it very clearly said "oceanfront" she quickly and kindly moved us to a much better room with a majestic view of the Pacific. So be careful when you book to read the fine print, but don't be afraid to inquire about discrepancies.

Lost in Translation

Speaking of communication errors, we noticed several times there was a breakdown in communication between companies—whether it was between Expedia and our hotel, the timeshare people and Super Cool Mark, or the three different companies operating our sunrise/bicycle/zip line tour. It seemed like everyone was on their own schedules, but no one was on anybody else's. When so many cooks are stirring the pot there needs to be better communication.

That goes for websites, too. Three times we encountered situations where what we got was not what was offered on the website—not the least of which was Anthony's, a little hippie cafe that offered picnic lunches with rentable coolers on their website. When we stopped there on the Road to Hana, we found out that lunches were more expensive than the website listed, and cooler rentals were no longer an option. You had to buy one for $8. The food wasn't that great either.

Aloha ... You Dumb Tourist

Hawaii might be called The Aloha State, but real Hawaiians don't seem to say, "Aloha." Trust me, as a tourist, you'll get Alohaed at every corner, but if you start saying it back you'll stick out like a sore thumb. Real Hawaiians say, "What's up, brudda!" or "What's up, sister!" They're also fond of "Hello," "Hi," and the more modern, "Hey!"

Oh, and if you think about flashing the "hang loose" hand sign, it's ok. Everybody does it. But you're not in Southern California, so don't call it "hang loose." In Hawaii, it's the Shaka.

Get it? Got it? Good!

Our Surf Teacher From The Zoo + 5 Things You Never Knew About Surfing

Non-athletic. That's me. But I'm tall and trim—about six feet, broad shoulders, long legs—so I can fool most anybody into thinking I know how to use my body. The truth is if I didn't have hands to catch myself, I'd have no face from all the tripping and falling I've done over the years. My nose would be flat. Just a flat nose. Just a flat face with a flat nose because I'm a big non-athletic clutz.

But apparently I'm good at surfing. I paddled into a wave, got to my feet, kept my balance for a short distance, and sat back down before I wiped out. More than once, I might add. That's surfing right?

Just humor me, ok? I suck at every other sport in the world. Let me have this one, tiny thing.

Our Instructor From The Zoo

I've got to give credit to our instructor, a man who introduced himself as Armadillo, or Armor for short. He claimed to come from the zoo. He has a brother named Possum, and other family members from the rat species. Honestly, if you asked me if he was kidding, I wouldn't know what to say. In between pushing back long strands of gnarled blond locks from his copper face and looking like he desperately needed some weed to take his mind off his hangover, for all I knew Armadillo probably actually was born in the zoo. Who knows?

The great thing about him though was that even if we didn't learn to surf, Armadillo gave us plenty of Entertainment.

"Dude," he'd say looking at me, "you're doing awesome. These two girls here are doing everything wrong, but you're awesome. Well, except for your feet, get your feet wider apart. And don't slouch. Relax, man. You're too tense. Scoot back. *sigh* Ok, never mind. You're hopeless."

He asked if Danielle and I had any kids with us. When we told him no he sounded disappointed, saying one of the highlights of teaching surfing lessons to kids is being able to pick them up in high winds and skip them across the surface of the water.

"Seriously, bro, that's what we do. Me and another instructor. I'll grab their arms. Another guy grabs their legs and we just chuck 'um and just watch 'um skip—dush, dush, dush. Well, when the parents aren't looking of course."

Despite his antics, Armadillo managed to instill confidence in us—me, my wife, and a financial advisor from Kentucky named Robin who had the pleasure of learning how to surf with us.

"Whatever you're worried about, it's not going to happen," Armadillo said. "You're not going to drown. You're not going to get blown away by the wind."

"What about shark attacks?" I asked. (Because, seriously, that was all I was really worried about.)

Armadillo was silent for a long moment. "Actually, I can't say don't worry about that because, well ... ah-hem. Let's go surfing!"

The two of us alongside our fellow student, Robin, and our
surfing instructor Armadillo at the Goofy Foot Surf School.

5 Things You Didn't Know About Surfing

1. Bikinis and Surfboards Don't Mix
Most movies about surfing always show the female surfers in bikinis because, well, I think the reason is obvious, but after 10 minutes on a surfboard you begin to realize just how unrealistic that is because surfboards HURT! Even with a long-sleeved surf shirt my stomach and chest were beat red by the end of our lesson and the insides of my thighs were chaffed from straddling the board.

2. Surfing Should Be Called "Paddling ... With Style"
Surfing is hours of hard work for about 10 minutes of payoff. If that. First, you have to paddle. And paddle, and paddle, and paddle, just to get in the right spot to catch a wave. If there's a current, you have to paddle almost continuously so you don't float away. When a wave comes, you have to paddle—furiously!—so you can get momentum to ride the wave. And when you're ride is over you have to paddle all over again to get back out to sea. Surfing shouldn't be called surfing. It should be called Shoulder Exercise, or maybe S.E.D., for Shoulder Exercise, Dude. But that just doesn't sound as cool.

3. The Stereotypical Surfer Dude Actually Exists
"Surfer dudes" are real. They're not just some stereotype invented for TV. I already told you about Armadillo, who is every bit the laid back surfer dude you've ever imagined, but there were plenty of others just like him with long, scraggly hair; dark, spotty skin; a nonchalant strut. Even the girl working the desk at the surf shop was throwing off those chill surfer chick vibes. But, hey, it's cool, man.

4. Surfing Will Kill You ... No, Really.
Death is like a major deal in surfing. If you don't do it right it will kill you. There are sharks in the water that can kill you. There are rocks and rock walls that a wave can plow you into in a matter of seconds, killing you. If a wave carries you in too far and too fast even the shore will kill you. When you wipe out there are rocks and coral under the water that will gash your body, slice your hands, and, yes, even kill you.

5. Snowboarding Doesn't Make You A Better Surfer
I was proud to tell Armadillo that I was a fair snowboarder on the wintery cold mountains of Vermont. He just dropped his head between his shoulders in disappointment, as though he suddenly realized the work he had cut out for him in teaching me how to surf. "Snowboarders are the worst," he said. "They're so used to having their feet strapped to the board." And he was right. Shuffling forward and backward on a surf board is kind of essential to making the whole thing work, but making myself move my feet was a challenge.

Going Back for Seconds

Unfortunately, cameras and surfing don't mix, so Danielle and I have no actual proof that we did any of this. We intended to go back and rent some surfboards and take turns surfing while one of us takes pictures from the shore, but, honestly, surfing can, like, KILL YOU! After being on Maui for a week and catching bits and pieces of information about currents, high winds, sharp rocks, coral, gashes, cuts, bruises, gangrene, and, yes, even sharks, you slowly come to understand that surfing is epically dangerous if you don't know what you're doing.

So we opted to go to the mall. Much safer.

-Jake

My Top 10 Movies Of 2014 ... And The Worst

It sort of depends on how you look at it. Either 2014 was a great year for movies with dozens of under-the-radar independent films to enjoy, or a rather dull year with many disappointing blockbusters. I'm of the latter opinion—2014 was a disaster.

North American box-office revenue was down by 5 percent over 2013, which is the biggest decline in nine years, according to the Hollywood Reporter. The summer, which was supposed to be Hollywood's biggest money-making time, was actually its worst, with revenue tumbling 15 percent from 2013.

Movie attendance was at its lowest in 20 years, with an estimated 1.26 billion consumers purchasing movie tickets between Jan. 1 and Dec. 31. That's the lowest number since 1.21 billion in 1995.

For me, making a top 10 list for the best movies of 2014 wasn't easy. Back in January I thought it was going to be a great year because there were a ton of movies I really wanted to see, but time and time again 2014 saw me emerging from the theater with my old pal Disappointment. So here's my top 10 best movies of 2014 carefully compiled after much humming-and-hawing, which will be immediately followed by my 10 worst movies of 2014, a list which came together quiet easily.

#10 — American Sniper

As a director, Clint Eastwood has grown leaps and bounds ahead of his peers—Gran Torino, Million Dollar Baby, Space Cowboys, The Bridges of Madison County. His work over the last 20 years has been surprisingly genuine, sophisticated, and beautiful. American Sniper, the true story of Navy Seal Chris Kyle, is no exception. It's a difficult film to watch as it exposes the true horrors of fighting Islamic extremists in Iraq and the brave American soldiers dealing with PTSD on the homefront. Actor Bradely Cooper gives the performance of, not just his life, but perhaps the year. A brutal film that's brutally honest and well worth seeing!

#9 — Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Consider this entry my shameless self-indulgence. Okay, so Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was loaded with flaws, I'm not denying that, but as a life-long Ninja Turtles fan the film was fun for me from start to finish. The four main characters, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, and Donatello, were exactly who they were supposed to be, their personalities shined through, they rocked, they were awesome, but was the plot smart? No. Were the villains threatening? No. Was the story tight and well-executed? No. Was the movie a good time? Cowabunga!

#8 — X-Men: Days of Future Past

Director Bryan Singer, the original director of X-Men and X-Men 2, returns to bring the franchise back to glory and he does so in spectacular fashion. The action scenes are exciting. The story was touching. The movie deals with worthwhile themes like hope and family. Oh, and—one word—Quicksilver. Just remember that—Quicksilver. Watch the movie and you'll know what I mean.

#7 — Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

The first entry in this rebooted series back in 2011 convinced me that a franchise about genetically altered apes taking over the world could actually be interesting. But this second installment officially made me a fan! Performing just as well, if not better, than its predecessor, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is a gripping thriller from the first few minutes of its intense opening sequence to the final brutal showdown high atop a crumbling tower. With an Oscar-worthy performance by motion-capture master Andy Serkis the film is a technological marvel that shouldn't be missed.

#6 — Captain America: The Winter Soldier

I give this movie credit for one main reason—it had balls! The story is brave enough to take directions that are new and interesting and even dangerous for a major motion picture franchise. But that's what I love about Marvel, they're not afraid to take risks. Captain America has always been a tricky character to write because it's so easy for him to become a one dimensional, puritan, all-American goody-two-shoe, but this movie keeps him interesting, grounded, human, and fun to watch. Winter Solider isn't just a great 2014 flick, it's one of the best films in the Avengers franchise.

#5 — How to Train Your Dragon 2

A sequel seemed irrelevant, yet inevitable, after How to Train Your Dragon was released to critical and audience acclaim. I baulked at the idea of a second installment, until I saw it and realized that this series actually had a lot more to say. I loved the way this movie handled everything, from its story points to the age of its animated characters to the family drama that unfolds in smart and surprising ways. It's a truly touching film with some great visuals and moral lessons.

#4 — Edge of Tomorrow

During production it was called All You Need is Kill, which I thought sounded retarded. The name was changed to Edge of Tomorrow for its theatrical release, and then changed again to Live. Die. Repeat. for the home video release. *rolls eyes* Whatever. It'll always be Edge of Tomorrow to me, a fascinating Groundhog Day-meets-Aliens time-travel thriller that doesn't let up. Seriously, when the story gets going, it is an all-go no-quit action thriller with enough story and wit in between to keep your eyes glued. Tom Cruise gives a notable and surprisingly humorous performance as a military desk jockey turned reluctant soldier who finds himself stuck reliving the same day every time he dies. The plot twists will keep you guessing and the ending is a full-on mind job!

#3 — Guardians of the Galaxy

As much as 2014 sucked for movies, there is hardly a top 10 list anywhere that doesn't have Guardians of the Galaxy on it somewhere. This is another entry into Marvel Studio's ambitious Avengers franchise that takes a lesser-known group of comic book heroes and throws them into the Marvel cinematic universe. The film was a surprise hit on many levels—it out-grossed almost every other movie in 2014, it told a powerful, deeply personal story about family and redemption, and it took a bunch of B-list characters and brought them up to the same level as Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor. Guardians of the Galaxy is a hilarious thrill-a-minute ride.

#2 — Godzilla

You'll see this movie panned as often as it is hailed, and here's why: the current generation of movie-goers raised in a cushy American lifestyle of immediate gratification can't tell a good movie from a hole in the ground. If the story isn't spoon fed down their throats with exploding computer graphics every ten minutes, they have no patience for it. This makes a slow-burn thriller like Godzilla a hard pill to swallow. The monster himself doesn't even make an appearance until more than halfway through the movie, while the main action sequence isn't until the very end, but—sweet, fancy Moses!—what a jaw-dropping action sequence it is! Unlike most movies today, Godzilla goes with a "less is more" approach, which, when dealing with something we've already seen dozens and dozens of times, makes the movie all the more thrilling. If you have the patience, Godzilla's payoff is epic!

#1 — The Lego Movie

Some of the best movies today are happening in the field of animation, and The Lego Movie stands head-and-shoulders above them all as an example of just how clever, creative, and fun they can be. The first three-quarters of this movie play out like a hyper-active child's imagination gone on a binge, but eventually you realize that there's a reason for that. The film isn't just an off-the-wall comedy. There's a second story running along in the background that deals with some powerful family issues, and when it all comes together at the end you'll be smiling with happy tears. The Lego Movie is a laugh-a-minute flick with a big heart at its core. Oh, and did I mention Batman steals the show? Just sayin'.

The Worst Movies of 2014

#10 — The Nut Job
A heartless animated film full of animated movie cliches and a predictable plot. I was hoping voice actor maestro Will Arnett would save the film, but, unfortunately, his character is surrounded by too much clumsy filmmaking.

#9 — Sabotage
Arnold Schwarzenegger continues his attempts at making action movie comebacks and fails more spectacularly than ever before. Sabotage should've been a great Whodunnit? thriller of bad guys vs. badder guys, but it ends up being a bland serving of been there/done that.

#8 — Transformers: Age of Extinction
I keep waiting for Director Michael Bay to realize that vomiting computer graphics onto a movie screen doesn't make for a good movie, but he seems determined to remain stuck a prepubescent boy's CGI fantasy land. Apparently his vomit is good enough for China because 74 percent of the film's gross came from overseas markets.

#7 — The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
I'm not one to gripe about book-to-screen story changes, but I did get nervous when talk arose about Director Peter Jackson splitting Tolkein's The Hobbit into three movies. Sadly, by this final entry, the weariness is felt. The movie is two hours of violence, with little story, little to do with its titular Hobbit, and much to do with plots and characters that have nothing to do with the book. Peter Jackson finally let me down.

#6 — Interstellar
I've come to the conclusion that outside of his epic Dark Knight trilogy, Christopher Nolan can't make a comprehensible movie. Interstellar is another overly long, self-indulgent mess of a movie with an absolutely nonsensical ending.

#5 — The Hunger Games: Mockingjay — Part 1
I didn't really like the first movie. I hesitantly enjoyed the second. And I went into the third movie hoping Katniss Everdeen would finally stop her griping about war and become the woman of action she needs to be in order to stop the tyrannical government and save her people. Alas, she remains the dull, unambitious, sobbing heroine whom thousands of secondary characters inexplicably rally behind. I can't be bothered with any more of these movies. I just don't care anymore.

#4 — 3 Days to Kill
Kevin Costner tries to do what Liam Neeson did in Taken and doesn't quite make it. It's not his fault though. The writing is where this movie suffers with a terrible balancing act between a hitman's violent secret life and his struggles to reconnect with his angst-ridden daughter. The whole thing is just a bland serving of "meh."

#3 — The Expendables 3
The whole premise of this franchise is about taking old, washed-up action stars and throwing them together for the first time so they can blow stuff up. In the first 10 minutes of the movie, The Expendables 3 takes that entire concept and throws it out the window, then proceeds to adopt a younger cast and a hipper storyline, until the very ending when the senior citizens return, but, by that point, who cares?

#2 — Hercules
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has proven that he's not that bad an actor, so it was a disappointing surprise to see him return to The Scorpion King levels of silliness in this poorly conceived cliche of a movie. Fortunately for The Rock, the fault here isn't entirely his, it's Director Brett Ratner who displays the same movie-making ineptitude that ruined Rush Hour 3 and X-Men: The Last Stand.

#1 — Tusk
One of the most disturbing movies I've ever seen, Tusk left a bad taste in my mouth for days. It's a movie about a young blogger on the hunt for a new story when he gets captured by a demented old man determined to medically transform him into a walrus so he can have an affair with him. Truly unsettling content + very poor execution + a darkly comedic tone = a very unsatisfying movie.

The Data Shows: Daylight Saving Time Is Asinine

It's always been my personal belief that Daylight Saving Time is stupid. Turns out I was right. Turns out that aside from increasing risk of heart attack, providing adverse mental health in some people, screwing with national and international communication, mixing up global transportation patterns, frustrating farmers, complicating business transactions, and ruining my life twice a year, the only positive thing about DST is that at one point in history it didn't exist.

When The Dumb Began

DST has been used for about 100 years, although its genesis is credited to Benjamin Franklin, according to www.timeanddate.com. Franklin proposed the idea—although a little jokingly—to economize the use of candles by getting people out of bed earlier in the morning, making use of the natural morning light. The idea was never implemented in his lifetime because people didn't take it seriously.

It wasn't until 1895 that a New Zealand entomologist (bug-collector) by the name of George Vernon realized that his love affair with bugs could last longer every day if he had more daylight hours to play with. He proposed a two hour time shift instead of the one that we grudgingly endure today.

This idea was picked up by another genius, William Willett, whose motivation for lobbying DST was his growing aggravation that dusk kept cutting short his after hours game of golf.

That's right, folks. Golf.

It wasn't until World War I that this idea began to catch on. While Europe did its best to commit genocide the west thought DST would be a great way to save energy during war time. DST wasn't observed again until WWII and was officially adopted in the US in 1967.

The "Energy Conservation" Myth

Energy conservation has long been touted as one of the many reasons for DST to remain in effect (though just how much energy it saves has never been proven), but even if DST did, at one point, help save energy, energy consumption has changed greatly since the days of coke stoves and steam engines. In a 24/7 global economy DST no longer serves its purpose.

Most modern studies of DST show little to no benefit and/or reason for it in regards to energy conservation.

What The Facts Show 

• The National Research Council of Canada issued a report in 2008 that indicated fuel consumption actually rises during DST because "…with an extra hour of daylight in the evening people tend to go out more."


• One of the major backers of legislation to keep DST in effect is 7-Eleven, ostensibly to allow the good children of America more time to go out and buy a torso-sized Slurpie. Obesity, folks. DST contributes to obesity.


• When Indiana made DST mandatory in 2006, Dr. Matthew Kotchen examined several million monthly meter readings from a three year period. He found that having the entire state switch to DST each year, rather than remain on Standard Time, cost Indiana households an additional $8.6 million in electricity bills.


• Arizona does not recognize DST. They tried it for one year in the 1960s, but there was so much negative reaction that they never tried it again. Some also said that without DST, the state still managed to save heating and cooling energy in the summer (northern hemisphere) months.


• Kazakhstan abolished DST in 2005, citing negative health effects on more than 51 percent of its population.


• Farmers, who must wake with the sun no matter what time the clock says, are greatly inconvenienced by having to change their schedules to market their crops to businesses observing DST and therefore generally oppose it. (www.standardtime.com)


• In 2008 The Wall Street Journal declared: "Daylight Saving Wastes Energy," and cited Dr. Kotchen's report as well as others.

The "Circadian Rhythm"

Health therapist Shawn Kirby says the negative health repercussions of DST can last for weeks in some people. He says the human body's physical and mental behavioral swings caused by day/night changes and sleep patterns—known as the Circadian Rhythm—is essential to a person's mental health and balanced stress levels. This natural rhythm within our own bodies connects us to the world while DST routinely interrupts it.

"Suicides in men and heart attacks were both found to significantly spike with the 'Spring Forward,'" Kirby says.

In Closing

Even apart from the data, DST shows no reasons to exist. I mean, "time," as we know it, is an artificial construction, measured only by agreed-upon convention. The only purpose of measuring time with a clock is to coordinate action. The actual numbers on a clock don't matter; the clock says whatever we, as a society, agree that it should say. On a global scale observing DST completely destroys the original purpose for which time and the clock were created—some countries observe it; some don't. As a result world time becomes confusing. While observing DST, time zones get screwed up; all clocks and electronic devices must be changed, or programmed to run functions that cause the change. This massive, mostly-computerized switchover inconveniences millions of businesses and individuals every year. DST interrupts what is, otherwise, a smoothly operating convention of coordinating global actions.

Let's face it, DST is an outdated, onerous, ridiculous, asinine "illusion." It is unneeded, unwanted, and pointless. If you really need an extra hour of daylight to play gulf or hunt bugs, GET UP AN HOUR EARLIER!

Stop the madness of pointlessly changing time twice a year. End Daylight Saving Time! Sign the petition at www.standardtime.com.

Tolkien's King Theoden And Every Believer's Dream

King Theoden of Rohan,
an artist's depiction.

Sorry, but this blog is going to be completely self-indulgent.

I just finished watching my way through Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings trilogy (the extended versions, of course, because how else could one watch them?) and when I got to King Theoden's death scene in The Return of the King, like always, I cried. Call me a nerd. Call me a softy. I don't care. Theoden's death is one of the most compelling and poignant death scenes put on film in a long time, partly because his character has such a dramatic and satisfying arch.

King Theoden is easily my favorite character—in the movies and the books—and he isn't even a central character. He is pivotal in the ultimate victory of good over evil, but there's still more happening with King Theoden than meets the eye.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, let me paint a brief picture for you of King Theoden and why he is everything you should strive to be.

The seventeenth King of Rohan, Theoden was slowly deceived by his chief advisor Grima (or Wormtongue, as most others called him) into serving the evil wizard Saruman. By the time we meet Theoden in book two, The Two Towers, he is a shriveled old man, a puppet of Grima, and an unfortunate servant of Saruman. The story hinges on Theoden successfully shaking off the chains that Grima had placed around his soul and leading his people to war against the evil wizard.

"Dark have been my dreams of late," Theoden says when he finally awakens from Grima's spells.

I think most people shrug off the importance of Theoden's role in the story because he doesn't start off as a very interesting character. When we first meet him, he's not heroic. He's not handsome or chivalrous. He's a man who has been duped into working for the enemy. He's indifferent. A prisoner. Certainly, not the most inspiring hero.

But I think, of all the people in Tolkien's tale, Theoden is the one who most accurately represents humanity. There isn't a person alive who has never been deceived. Theoden is everyone who has ever been caught in the bondage of drugs, sex, pornography, greed, gluttony, or countless other moral crimes. Theoden's struggle is representative of the one we all endure—the struggle for salvation. He is—more literally than any of the other characters—us.

In the final book, The Return of the King, Theoden fully redeems himself by mustering his soldiers to fight for the kingdom of Gondor and the very survival of the human race. Vastly outnumbered and facing certain death he charges headlong into battle on the Pelennor Fields before the human city of Minis Tirith.

Tolkien's description of Theoden in battle is radically different from the hollow shell he started out as:

"Fey he seemed, or the battle-fury of his fathers ran like new fire in his veins, and he was borne up on Snowmane like a king of old."

King Theoden in Peter Jackson's "The Return of the King"

In the fight Theoden is eventually defeated by the Witch-king of Angmar. The Witch-king is slain by Theoden's niece, Eowyn, who rode into battle in secret and against her uncle's wishes.

In the book Theoden is later found on the battlefield, broken and clinging to life, by his nephew, Eomer. Theoden passes his kingship onto his nephew and dies, saying, "I go to my fathers, and even in their mighty company I shall not now be ashamed."

Isn't that the hope we all should have, to get to the end of our lives and stand redeemed from all of our mistakes? Isn't it the joy of all believers to pass into the presence of our Heavenly Father and, in His mighty company, no longer feel disgraced for our sins?

King Theoden is a shining example of the redemptive journey we all need to take. There will be dark days. Foolishness will mire much of our character. We will face deception, trials of many kinds, hopelessness, blindness, and the dishonor of countless mistakes, but in the end, thanks to the work of Christ, we know that one day we will stand in Heaven unencumbered by our shame.

And, as Gandalf would say, "That is an encouraging thought."

How Will You Choose To Be Generous Today?

In the wake of the death of superstar comedian Robin Williams has come a wave of stories regarding an aspect of his life that few knew anything about—how "crazily generous" he was. Williams had a deep appreciation for our armed forces, his colleagues, and for people in general, which he demonstrated through immense giving of material things and his time.

After actor Christopher Reeve was paralyzed in a fall from a horse on May 27, 1995, Williams arrived at his hospital room dressed as a doctor and announced that he was there to do a proctological exam.

"For the first time since the accident, I laughed," Reeve later wrote in his autobiography, Still Me.

Williams supported scholarships at The Juilliard School in New York City, actively raised money for St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, and also supported the San Francisco Zoo, which named a monkey after him in June—which was, appropriately, a howler monkey. In California, where he lived, Williams was a friend of the Challenged Athletes Foundation and would cheer competitors on at the finish line of the San Diego Triathlon Challenge. He was expected this weekend at a race in Northern California.

"What I think a lot of people don't know, and you're starting to hear all these stories come out now, is how crazily generous he was," said late-night talk show host and comedian Conan O'Brien on his show earlier this week. "He was so generous."

"And not just in a material way, but with his time," added O'Brien's co-host Andy Richter. "He spent so much time entertaining the troops, which I didn't really know about which means he didn't really talk about it. He didn't do it for publicity."

Williams hung himself on Monday, August 11, at the age of 63 after a decades long battle with depression and substance abuse. His plethora of movies made millions laugh. His charitable work brought hope to countless others. Despite the horrific tragedy of his death, the legacy of generosity he left behind should touch us no less.

Robin Williams is probably the first actor to die who I was really familiar with. I mean, in just the last few years we've lost wonderful actors like Heath Ledger, James Gandolfini, Paul Walker, and Michael Clarke Duncan, but their stars had risen to fame fairly recently; I knew who they were, but they hadn't made the impact on my life that Williams did. Robin Williams has been a staple performer ever since I was a little kid. He—along with Bill Cosby—was probably the first comedian to ever make me laugh. His voice work in Aladdin and FernGully, his on-screen charism in Hook, Patch Adams, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Jumanji, all played a small part, I think, in the development of my own sense of humor and family values.

His passing makes me sad.

In looking at all the ways Robin Williams helped others, I find myself contemplating one question: how am I going to be generous? Generosity is not just about helping others. For Christians, especially, it's a necessity of obedience.

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" —Acts 20:35

How am I going to be obedient to the will of my Lord by helping others and caring for widows and orphans?

Though Dani and I do what we can with our time and resources, it's the dream of both of us to one day give much more once we're out of debt. We have a passion for adoption, and we deeply love our church, which are two things we'd love to give more to. Some day we want to have a home that can be the epicenter of the lives of our friends and family, a place for pastors and missionaries to come and rest and have fun, and a place to host friends who need some R&R.

What about you? In what ways do you dream of being generous once you're debt free?

Creation vs... Creation? Christians Need To Get Their Priorities Straight

Oh, age. You're such a pest. With every passing year my declining body can endure less and less, and yet with every passing year life heaps upon me more and more. More responsibility. More things to do. More relationships to maintain. More problems to fix.

Bah, humbug!

Sorry. I DO have a point to make, and I DO plan on being optimistic about it, but optimism isn't natural for me. I'm not a glass-is-half-full kind of guy. I'm a glass-is-half-empty-with-a-crack-in-the-bottom-slowly-getting-emptier kind of guy. But that doesn't mean I don't have faith, or hope, or that I don't believe that with God all things are possible—even turning me into an optimist.

But life does have its frustrations, doesn't it? The older I get the more aware I become of the cultural issues and political differences around me.

Even in churches I'm becoming more aware of the vastly different beliefs people hold within Christianity.

Our church has gone through a few upheavals recently, which has drawn out some dramatically different beliefs among members of our congregation. Namely, the issue of Creation. Our church has held to a "young earth" point of view for some time, but some leaders in our church have recently revealed that they don't believe in a literal six day creation, and some members of the congregation share this point of view as well.

For anyone unfamiliar with this topic, the controversy, when boiled down, is very simple, though there are varying degrees of complexity which I won't get into. The basis of it is this:

Young Earth Creationists are people who believe that God created the earth in six 24-hours days. Based on the genealogies in Scripture from Adam to Jesus Christ, they conclude that the earth is somewhere between 6,000 and 10,000 years old. It's the simplest interpretation of the first chapter of the book of Genesis. These people believe that we should take God at His word, that extracting any other kind of interpretation of this text involves over-thinking this very simple aspect of the Bible.

But there are those who don't believe that the word "day" in Genesis Chapter 1 refers to a literal 24-hour day, but rather a week, or in some cases thousands of years. They often point to Hebrews 4:4-11 which seems to indicate that God is still within his seventh day of rest. From this, they conclude that if the seventh day of creation is thousands of years long, then couldn't the other six days be just as long? That could imply, then, that the creation account took thousands and thousands of years!

Scripture is actually quite vague on the matter, and scholars have, are, and will continue to debate the merits of each point of view for ages.

The thing that surprises me is how vehemently some Christians will defend their positions, to the point of attacking each other and even leaving churches, when, in reality, this is largely a secondary issue. Does it really matter whether Creation was a literal six day creation or one that lasted thousands of years? Isn't the idea that the world came into existence through an all-knowing, loving Creator as opposed to being the result of billions of years of mutating goo far more important?

Christians need to get their priorities straight. There are billions of people in this world being deceived into thinking that they are nothing but primordial soup, when the Bible says that they are so much more. Billions of people are leaning on the plethora of crutches offered by the world—anti-depressants, alcohol, sex, money, status—when there is a God who loves them more than they can imagine because He created them. He made them. He formed them into exactly who they needed to be for a glorious purpose. Whether it took Him six days or seventy thousand years is hardly relevant when people's souls are in jeopardy.

It's fun—for me anyway—to debate the intricacies of Scripture, such as the creation account. There is nothing wrong with debating Scripture. In fact, it's good exercise for the mind and a good way of challenging us to really examine what we believe, but it can not—MUST not—overshadow the fact that we, as Christians, need to stand united against the lies of this world, fully ready to come alongside each other and defend the faith when needed.

Keep pinchin' :-)

VIDEO BLOG: Batman versus Superman

Here's some frivolous fun for your Friday the Fourth!

The upcoming "Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice" movie is still a couple years away, but that doesn't mean I'm not as giddy as a face-loving puppy in a room full of toddlers. So here is the first of what I hope to be many video blogs about life's various frivolities.

Some people may call me biased on the topic of Batman versus Superman because I'm a die hard Batman fan, but it's hardly bias when my evidence comes from decades of established mythology. So there! Thbbbpppt!

In all silliness, enjoy the video!

Here's A Teaser Of Our Upcoming Video Blog

Be sure to check back tomorrow for the full video where Jake lists the top seven reasons why... well, you'll have to wait and see! :-)

The World Cup: An Exercise In Mass Denial

It's time for me to come out... as being completely apathetic to the World Cup.

First off, as anyone who knows me can attest, the whole concept of sports perplexes me. From the highest echelons of the over-payed professional athletics, to the lowliest kiddie matches at your local elementary school where hundreds of adults try to convince children that "winning isn't everything" yet celebrate the winning team, is completely weird to me, and, ultimately, completely irrelevant.

But the World Cup manages to be a different kind of weird. It somehow manages to get millions of people who don't care about sports to watch. If it were any other sport I might understand, but, well... it's soccer. Soccer is a special kind of boring. It's like watching your clothes tumble around in the dryer, but it also demands the kind of unwavering attention a detective would give a crime scene because if you're not watching closely you'll miss the important stuff.

Furthermore, even though most Americans don't care about the World Cup, we're made to feel like we should, which, to me, makes soccer feel like communism. To me, the World Cup is an exercise in mass denial, a desperate attempt by the runner-up nations of the world to convince everyone that their dying pastime is something cool that we all should take part in.

Whatever.

Yes, I know, statistics will tell you that soccer has grown in popularity in America since 2006, but that means nothing when you consider that the 2014 match between the US and Ghana only drew in 12 million American viewers, which, when compared to the 108 million viewers of the NFL Championship, is quite sad. So saying Americans like soccer is like saying the fat kid in second grade who always gets picked last is everyone's favorite.

According to an article by CBS that listed the "7 Reasons Why Americans Don't Watch the World Cup," Americans look at soccer with a collective yawn, wondering when they can just go home and nuke some leftovers.

Here's my top ten reasons why the World Cup isn't that important to America.

1. IT BRINGS NATIONS TO A HALT
Don't even think of going to Europe or South America while the World Cup is going on because all of the countries involved virtually come to a halt, and when a country's national team is playing few people even bother to go to work. I have trouble taking seriously any sporting event that holds such a Darth Vader-persuasion over the populace.

2. IT PUTS BOSTON'S RIOTS TO SHAME
As an American, I've done an embarrassed face-palm just like everyone else when cities like Boston celebrate their team's victory with such enthusiasm that it turns into rioting and chaos. But the World Cup garners an even more intense kind of fan enthusiasm. World Cup fans are like invading armies coming to conquer all the other nations. It sparks riots that go from a nationwide embarrassment, to a global one that makes me sad to be a human.

3. IT'S SOCCER
I know they call it football, but soccer is not football. American football is football. Not that I care about the terms, but when I see grown men running around like sissies, trying not to get hurt, doing things that make the commentators say, "Nice footwork!", and with no padding, I think, "There aren't nearly enough concussions for this to be football."

4. IT'S TOO LONG
We already have the Olympics, a weeks-long sporting event where nations come to compete in the things they are actually good at. Ok, that's cool. But the World Cup is ANOTHER weeks-long sporting event that demands you be good at one thing: soccer. And it goes on for weeks. And it's boring. And it goes on for weeks. And when something is boring and goes on for weeks it seems even more boring. I think this is why the World Cup generates so many riots, because, like inmates in prison, fans riot because there's nothing else to do.

5. IT BRINGS OUT THE SNOBS
In America anyway, the World Cup seems to be an excuse for people to try and sound sophisticated because the World Cup is so chic, so in, so European. To these soccer snobs I want to say, "If soccer were so great in the first place, people would care more than once every four years!"

6. IT BRINGS OUT THE HATE
Like the Olympics, people love to say that the World Cup is a sporting event that brings nations together. Uh-huh. Sure. Brings them together on the brink of war maybe. With its fans who take the event too seriously, the protesting throughout the city in which it is held, the hooligans in the stands, the bad refs, the lack of cheerleaders... it's a melting pot of animosity and trivial pride.

7. IT LACKS EVERYTHING THAT MAKES MOST OTHER SPORTS INTERESTING
Americans like scoring. They like action. Maybe it's the fault of our instant gratification culture, but even then 90 minutes of kicking and running with one goal scored doesn't exactly move heaven and earth. Scoring is such a lightning-strike rarity in soccer that once a team gets up by two points the game is pretty much over. There's no chance of a comeback, which is one of the most exciting aspects about any other sport.

8. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUDES
I'll give the World Cup credit for breaking down many racial barriers, but there are NO women involved in this sport. None. Not even cheerleaders—who could at least breathe a little life into what is otherwise an absolute borefest. The Olympics, on the other hand, manage to break racial barriers, have nations competing in lots of different events, AND give women their fair share in the limelight.

9. IT DOESN'T CHANGE
In peewee soccer little kids run around and kick at a ball for an hour until a ref finally goes, "Ok, 0-0 score. Game over. Great job everyone!" In professional soccer, with the exception of the players being much bigger and much faster, they're pretty much doing the same thing they were doing in little kid school—running around, kicking after a ball to a 0-0 finish. And if there is a score they all flip out and scream and jump around because, in soccer, when someone scores it's like finding a leprechaun.

10. IT RUINS MY INTERNET
During the winter my news feeds are filled with winter storm reports and Christmas stuff. In the summer I get to see my friends' vacation photos on Facebook, fireworks, news stories about shark attacks, and summer blockbusters at the theater, but during the World Cup all I see is:

Ok, seriously, it's not that I'm against soccer. I certainly don't fault anyone for enjoying it. Nor do I think Americans are necessarily against it for any reason. In America, we just look at the World Cup, shrug our shoulders, and say, "Meh. What else is on?"

:-)

A Brush With Bambi - Fully Illustrated!

I never saw the deer coming. All I heard was the sound it made as it connected with 75mph of moving steel. I saw an explosion of hair tufts and dirt and its mangled body being tossed up over the hood of the tow truck that hit it, but that was all. It was over in about two seconds.

Me in my Mr. Miyagi car minding my own business.

The "Dwayne The Rock Johnson" of tow trucks coming up behind me.

It was Monday morning, June 2, 2014. I was on my way to work when I saw the tow truck coming up behind me. It was a thick beast of a truck, kind of like what Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson might look like if he were a Transformer. The truck was moving pretty fast, too—but, then again, I'm on this whole "how much gas can I save?!" kick so I was only doing about 58mph in a 65mph zone. Still, The Rock truck must've been doing 70 or 75.

The Rock moved into the left lane to pass me. I had plenty of time to see if a deer was coming before the truck obscured my view of the roadside, so when that animal came bounding up onto the highway it must've been bookin' it, otherwise I'm pretty sure I would've seen it. When the two connected The Rock jolted from bumper to bumper. The truck slowed and I pulled ahead of it, glancing back to see if the driver was ok. The truck wasn't even dented, and a moment later it sped back up and went on its way.

Bambi was dead on impact. At least I hope she was. In my 32 years of living in New England I've had more close encounters with roadside deer than any other animal. They are creatures of darkness, more dangerous to man's highway travels than any other force of nature.

Bambi always looks innocent until she's leaping in front of your car.

"The Rock" truck turns Bambi into an aerial acrobat at 75mph.

So, first, a confession. I'm embarrassed to admit that it took a couple minutes for it to even occur to me that at the speed that deer was moving it would've crossed into my lane and right into my windshield had that tow truck not been there. That tow truck came at just the right time. Chances are my little Suzuki would not have fared as well as The Rock—my CX4 is more akin to Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid; it's a tough little nut, but it's no match for 125 pounds of charging animal.

It got me thinking of how many other times God chooses to protect me and I don't even know it. How many times does a car problem or a delay at work or an ignored alarm clock keep me from harm? How many things does God do behind the scenes to protect me?

I think I almost take it for granted, because—ok, second confession—I didn't even think to thank the Lord for his protection until later that afternoon. When I finally did I felt ashamed and humbled, but extremely grateful for His grace.

I know He doesn't always choose to protect us, but many times He does. Do we take it for granted?

Keep pinchin' :-)

A Little Off Topic: How To Overcome Writer's Block

This blog is supposed to be about our penny pinching journey to debt-free living, but there are many other parts that make up who we are, parts that are bound and determined to, at some point, show through.

One of the parts that makes up me is that I'm a writer. And I hate saying that. I always thought it sounded conceited: "I'm a writer." But inside I'm thinking, "No, I'm a clumsy word masher-upper. J.K. Rowling is a writer. John Grisham is a writer. I just smush together words." Anyway...

I've mashed together three books in my lifetime, and am working on others—though only the voices inside my head know why. Publishing is a miserable business these days. It's hard to break into. And even harder to make it monetarily worth it. For me, I have to write. It's almost like there's this hyper-active kid inside my brain who really, really, really needs a crayon because if he doesn't get to scribble on a wall soon he's going to wet himself. So, every now and then, I sit down in front of my computer, give the kid a crayon, and start mashing words together. Sometimes they make sense, other times I revisit my writing months later and ask, "What in tarnation was I thinking?"

I began my word-mashing career as a journalist after I wrote a Letter to the Editor that was apparently so mind-blowingly awesome that it landed me a job at a local paper. (True story). A month later I was a full-time journalist. I hated it. I loved the writing, but I hated the grueling hours, the late nights, the boring meetings, and all the self-important people who thought that the drama happening in their lives was worthy of front page news—"Yes, I'm sure your kid did awesome in the homeschool talent show, but I'm afraid the eleven people who attended do not necessarily qualify this as 'public interest.'"

The one good thing about working for a newspaper is that if you have a problem with writer's block you won't for very long. Well, you may, but then you won't have a job. In the newspaper industry when the editor wants words, you give him words. It doesn't matter how boring the meeting was, or how few people were at the homeschool talent show. If your editor needs 1,000 words you milk that triviality for all its worth. And you've got ten minutes to deadline! There's no time for writer's block at a newspaper, so you learn to get over it quickly or you get out.

Here are three of my own personal tips for overcoming writer's block that I employed while working as a journalist. They worked for me then, they work for me now. Hopefully, with a little practice, they'll work for you, too.

1. Just start writing. Come on, you can do it. Just start punching letters on the keyboard. The secret to this is to sometimes begin with a completely irrelevant topic. Are you stumped on that oceanic research piece? Start writing about what irritates you about getting soap in your eye. Heck, start writing about why you can't write! Words are like water behind a faucet. Sometimes you just have to turn it on to get them flowing.


2. Take a tour of your house. Go to another room. Do something different for 10-20 minutes, but no longer. Sometimes when your writing is blocked it's because your brain is too busy. You need to focus your thoughts on one thing in particular to calm your mind, so choose a brief activity that you can start and finish in 20 minutes and then immediately return to your writing.


3. Talk it out. This is especially helpful with fiction writing. Get up, pace back and fourth, and talk about your story. Work out the plot as though you're explaining it to a friend. Sometimes the reason you're blocked mentally is because your subconscious knows that you're not ready to write about this. You've got plot holes or inconsistencies and your brain needs to think about it first. As you work out the problem you'll be energized to sit back down and write again.

In some cases overcoming writer's block is just a matter of being more disciplined. Doctors will tell you that if you have trouble falling asleep at night to make sure you don't do anything in your bed other than rest. This conditions your brain to associate your bed with sleep. After six months or so you should be able to lie down in bed and doze right off.

This same principle can be applied to almost anything. If you can condition your brain to sleep, you can condition your mind to write. Try picking a "writing spot" in the house and only go there to write. Perhaps pick a certain time of day to write, or a specific type of tea to drink. Discipline your brain to understand that "When we do this _____, we're going to write."

Honestly, these things don't work for me all the time. Sometimes I'm just too tired or distracted or emotionally busy to be able to write. It's important to be able to recognize these times so that you know when to take a break.

Do you struggle with chronic writer's block? What has worked for you in overcoming this problem?

Keep pinchin' :-)

A Sneak Preview of Our Upcoming Rap Video

So the hubster and I have been busy the past few weeks trying to record our newest rap video, "Drowning in the Basement." Initially when we did "The Penny Pinching Rap" we decided we would only do one a year because it is a very time consuming process to write lyrics, record vocals, record the video, and then put it all together. Ultimately we just had too much fun making it, so we are back for round two.

Hopefully we will have it all ready for its debut later this week, but until then enjoy this little slow-mo sneak peak, and try to figure out what I'm saying. Any guesses can be left in the comments.

Keep pinchin' ... or in this case Keep rappin'! :-)

Jake's Take: Stranger Than Fiction - Have A Cookie!

Deriving financial insights from today's blockbusters and yesteryear's classics.

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When it comes to the movies, the character of Harold Crick is perhaps the best example of what Dave Ramsey calls a “Nerd”—a person who manages money with facts and figures and spreadsheets and has a difficult time letting go of all the numbers. Played by Will Ferrell in the quirky comedy Stranger Than Fiction, Harold is an IRS agent and he just doesn’t know how to have fun.

Then he meets Ana, a baker he is auditing. She is the complete opposite of Harold, an anarchist, an artist—the essence of what Dave Ramsey calls the “Free Spirit,” a person who doesn’t know how to manage money and is too busy having so much fun that they don’t even know the kind of financial straightjacket they’re in. That’s Ana.

There is a wonderful moment in the film when Ana offers Harold a fresh-baked cookie.

“I don’t like cookies,” Harold says.

“You don’t like cookies? What’s wrong with you?” Ana says.

“I don’t know.”

“Everybody likes cookies.”

Not Harold. He was raised in a family where the only cookies they ever ate were store bought. His mother never baked. So Ana gives him a nice, warm chocolate chip cookie and instructs him to sit down, dip it into some milk, and eat it. Which he does. And it is one of the most thrilling, eye-opening moments of Harold’s life, a moment that begins a sequence of events throughout the film that open up Harold’s world beyond the numbers and spreadsheets that he’s obsessed with.

Now, admittedly, I advocate for the Free Spirits because I am one, which is why I like this movie so much. I know, I know, us Free Spirits can get you nerds into a whole heap of financial trouble, I’m not saying we don’t have our own problems to reign in, but a Nerd that doesn’t know how to let go of a little bit of control is a real downer.

For us Free Spirits life is about having fun—going out to eat, seeing a movie, riding a roller coaster, taking a trip, eating a fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie. We don’t care what it costs, we just need to live a little. I know that's dangerous. I'm not saying that we don't have our quirks, but when we’re confronted with someone who is always trying to reign us in we feel suffocated.

So if you’re like Harold, lighten up. And if you’re like Ana, be sure you offer your Nerd a cookie. Preferably freshly baked.

Keep pinching’ :-)

Jake's Take: Die Hard - If It Works On Terrorists...

Deriving financial insights from today's blockbusters and yesteryear's classics.

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It was Bruce Willis’ claim to fame and it’s one of my all-time favorite movies: Die Hard. Sure it’s loaded with blood splatterings, gunfire, explosions, and profanity, but Die Hard is a classic example of the action flick at its best.

And Die Hard has some great lessons to teach us about the mind set that we need to have when we approach budgeting. Trust me it does. It has to. I’m writing a blog about money management and I love Die Hard, so I’ll squeeze a metaphor out of it if it kills me.

The hero of the story is John McClane, an under-appreciated, down on his luck, New York City cop who flies out to California to reconnect with his wife and hopefully save his marriage. While attending a Christmas party at her office building, McClane and all the company employs get trapped on the 40th floor when a group of terrorists seize control of the building with hopes of acquiring the $640 million stored in the company vault. Slipping away from the baddies, McClane becomes everyone's best hope for survival. But he’s a fish out of water. He’s got no phone, no technological know-how, and no shoes.

McClane’s biggest asset is his method to approaching to conflict—simplify. He’s not good with computers (in fact he’s utterly baffled by a touch screen monitor). He doesn’t understand electronics, and he’s not motivated by greed or ambition or money. He's good at being simple because John McClane is a simple guy, and throughout the movie he’s continually breaking down his challenges to the simplest fundamentals.

Too many bad guys in the ways? Use bullets.

Bad guys shooting up police officers? Drop a bomb on their heads.

Roof about to explode? Jump off…. but first tie yourself to a fire hose.

Granted, his ideas aren’t always the greatest, but it is his ability to simplify that saves his life again, and again, and again.

Like John McClane, we need to take a more simplistic approach to money management. It’s not all facts and figures and calculators and spreadsheets and computers. Sometimes it’s just good old fashioned discipline and common sense. Maybe you don’t need a budget with 40 categories. Maybe 20 will do just fine. Maybe if your spouse can’t understand the colorful spread sheets you’ve set up in the computer, maybe it’s time to just write it down on paper. Whatever the case may be. Simpler is better. If it works on terrorists it'll work on your bank account.

Keep pinchin' :-)

Jake's Take: Jurassic Park - The Power of Purchasing Decisions

Deriving financial insights from today's blockbusters and yesteryear's classics.

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If you read my post yesterday about that classic children's book "The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies," then today's little side-trek down movie lane will make perfect sense.

When it comes to making purchases, especially ones we’re really excited about—e.g. a new car, that power tool we’ve always wanted, that new dress—we can get a little blinded by our “want.” When your brain is running strictly on “purchasing mode” it can be hard to be objective.

A great movie that illustrates this point is the epic dinosaur disaster film Jurassic Park. The movie poses a lot of interesting questions about ethical behavior, thought before action, careful consideration and consequences, but none are presented more potently than early on the film when it’s being explained how the dinosaurs were created.

First, the parks’ visitors are taken on a spectacular tour of the laboratories where they’re told just how the genetic material to produce cloned dinosaurs was found and harvested. After a lot of scientific mumbo-jumbo, one of the visitors, a mathematician named Ian Malcolm, played by Jeff Goldblum, explains the faulty notions of the entire effort. He says the park’s scientists had become so preoccupied with whether or not they COULD create dinosaurs that they never once stopped to think if they SHOULD create dinosaurs. Malcolm ultimately predicts the destruction of everything they’ve created at the hands of their creations and, sure enough, the dinosaurs get lose and start eating people.

Think how differently your world would be if you spent half as much time thinking about whether or not you SHOULD do something, as opposed to just whether or not you CAN do something. Just because we CAN buy a brand new car, doesn’t mean it’s the best decision for us at the time. Just because we CAN buy that new dress doesn’t mean we can’t buy it cheaper elsewhere. Think of how different our world would look if we applied this thinking to every area of our lives—just because we CAN eat that whole package of cookie dough, doesn't mean we SHOULD; just because our president CAN legalize certain drugs, doesn't mean it's a good idea. Oh, the way things would change.

It pays to step back and think through our purchasing decisions. So the next time you feel that little swell of purchasing power rising within you, go home and sleep on it. Dream about dinosaurs eating people, and maybe you’ll reconsider.

Keep pinchin' :-)