- Finances. Honestly the road to becoming debt free hasn't been that hard yet. Sure we have given up more than we probably would have wanted, and definitely more than we thought we would, but compared to most of the world we are still living very well. The part that I struggle with the most concerning our finances is whether we will be able to get out of debt soon enough so I can stay home and raise the imaginary kiddos. This has been the desire of my heart since I was just a child myself, and sometimes it looks like it will never happen. Even if we get out of debt can we survive on one salary? I have to choose to believe the truth though, and that is that God wants to give us the desires of our hearts. He has never failed me and He's not going to start now. He has good things planned for my life. Notice I said "good" and not "easy" :-)
- Adoption. When the hubby and I first started dating, one of the first life goals we found we had in common was a desire to adopt. Since being married, we've talked about this desire a lot, and each night when we pray together I pray that we will be able to adopt little babies from other countries someday. As we get closer to making that a reality I find that it's easy to get overwhelmed by the costs involved with adoption, the challenges it will bring to our lives, and the logistics of it all. Part of me thinks it will never happen, but that's not what I want, and I believe our Father put this in both of our hearts for a reason. I have to trust that He will provide, that He will make a way for it to happen. He is very clear in scripture that we are to take care of orphans, and I believe that He will honor our desires in this area.
- The Future. It's scary to think where our country is heading. It feels like it won't be long until the freedoms that I have grown to take for granted may be stripped away from me. There are times I think I was born in the wrong era, and I wish I could raise my imaginary kiddos in the past where life seemed simpler. I've contemplated building an underground home to hide in, or finding an island to purchase, but I have to trust that God chose to put me here on Earth at this time for a reason, just as He did Esther. I have a purpose today, and my job is to fulfill that purpose. I have to trust that He will take care of us, give us wisdom as we raise children in a world we couldn't have imagined as children, and guide and direct us on this journey.
The greatest thing I've realized this past week is that I have to trust Him in the good and bad. I have to expect trials, temptations, tribulation and hardship, and know that I'm not spared from these things just because I'm His child. If God chose to protect His children from everything then the New Testament would have looked very different. I need to be prepared to follow Him out on the waters, into the scary places, farther than I would have ever imagined. I need to rest in His embrace even when that's the only thing I have left.
I want to sing:
I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine
—Hillsong United
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