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Friday, May 30, 2014

I Am A Ball Of Sweat And Sobs

The Insanity workout is nuts!

I feel like I should take a BEFORE and AFTER picture of my body's amazing transformation throughout this 60 day "Insanity" workout, except I have this inner monologue that convinces me not to. It goes something like this:

"Do the workout! Kill it! Slay it! Feel the burn! Ok, that's a little too much burn. Back off a little. Just a little. We'll pick it back up in a... holy mother of everything that's pure and wonderful that hurts! Ok, rest. Rest it out. Take a breath. Now start... in a minute. After another... short... wow this is hard. Harder than I thought. Maybe this isn't worth it. You know what, my knees feel like they're on fire, my feet are killing me, and I'm bathing in my own sweat. This is disgusting. I wonder what's on TV. Isn't this Shark Week? I'm hungry. Oh look, cookies!"

So, frankly, I don't think my transformation is going to be that amazing.

Ok, I'm kidding. I'm not really that pathetic.

Honestly, I gotta be proud of myself for sticking with this workout for four weeks now. Four weeks and still going strong. Next week my workout buddy and I begin month two where, from what I hear, the warm-up routine is the workout from month one. Did you catch that? The WARM-UP is the WORKOUT from month one. It has moves in it with names like Mountain Climbers, Floor Sprints, and Suicides.

That's right, Suicides. Presumably named such because people have died doing them.

And, like I said, that's just the warm-up. As for what the actual workout is, I have no idea. And I am fearful with anticipation. I am a literal ball of trembling child just sobbing on the floor.

It's really hard to know how well I'm doing at this point in the workout. I haven't lost any weight yet, but my body is firmer. Flappy areas are less flappy. I'm more flexible, and my stamina has improved, but at the end of each workout I feel like my body has just been the battleground for some kind of world war where everyone got shot and is dying in agony, screaming.

I'll tell you what, if I survive month two and come out the other side with six pack abs I'll do an after picture. If not, I'll just pretend this whole torturous experience never happened and go back to watching Shark Week. I hear they have footage of Great Whites getting eaten by Orcas. Should be epic!

Keep pumpin' ;-)


  1. Waiting now for the humorous workout video a la Jake and Dani!

    1. That would be quite humorous! Although, probably not a very good workout! lol ~Dani